TW Mentions of isolation



This blog is about my suspected Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and what i understand about it. I am not a medical professional, nor is this used to diagnose YOU. Please do not use this page as evidence for you. thank you. I also wanted to say that i got all of my information from The Cleveland Clinic website and the links it provided.

Ive noticed recently that, im always in a constant state of; "physical pain." Ive noticed that around my ribcage is continusly in pain, and that i feel like im constantly going to puke. Some days it feels like im going to throw up my organs, it gets so bad.

I feel so stupid and needy, The internet has made me feel like i am these people that need constant reasurrance, which i do, but it makes me feel like im one of those "annoying" types of people. People on the internet make me feel like im one of those people whos like "i did it again! :D" or like, just want attention. (no hate to these people, im aware theyre mentally ill too and stuff, you should treat them with respect always because you do not know what theyre going through.) Ive never in my life have done that, all i really need is constant reassurance so i know that you dont hate me. Yet people like me are demonized, and that just makes everything worse for me.

I feel like i need to constantly watch what im saying, both online and irl, it feels like i need to preform for them. And when something goes bad? I isolate myself in my room and think about it, for days. Even if its just, a little thing, like, someone unadding me on an app. I start thinking like "do they hate me?" "why did they do that?" "I need to know what i did" and other similar things. I hate not knowing what i did, and i know people dont have to explain every little thing to me. I know that, it bothers me though. I know it shouldnt, i feel horrible that it does bother me.

The thing is, i wasnt like this up until maybe 2 years ago. I didnt care if they unadded me, or blocked me, or did anything negative, i was just "well its whatever, its their life and if they hate me then its fine." I really wish, that i was like that now. I dont understand what changed or what makes me think this way now?

I guess its because, in highschool, i was bullied by a big group of kids, who i though were friends btw. I cant remember what happened, my brain wont let me think, but now im in online school because of them. And it feels like im wasting my years? My highschool years on something stupid? Im wasting my years isolating in my room all day and not coming out. And that bothers me a lot.

Didnt mean for this to become me whining about myself, now i feel im begging for attention.🥀

RSD, or rejection sensitive dysphoria, is a feeling of severe emotional pain due to rejection, or negative interactions. I believe this is what i experience, though im not diagnosed with it, nor the other disorder linked to the symptom (ADHD). I feel it fits me when something negative happens directed towards me. And it feels really good to find a term like this that describes someone. I feel like i have an answer for myself, even though i still cant fix it yet due to parents not believing theres something wrong with me. Im really happy this term exists and is there for people.